Self-Care doesn't mean you don't doubt yourself

Let me be perfectly clear about something. If you aren't sitting down somewhere I encourage you to have a seat, strap on your seatbelt and put a helmet on to protect your wig from being pushed back.


Ok, here it is: Just because you practice self-care and do all the healing things and also make time to "love yo'self" doesn't mean that you will never doubt WTF you are doing or who you even are. You do know what "WTF" stands for right? Ok, just checking because I'm trying my best not to cuss today.

Hell (whoops!! Couldn't make it without cussing, smh), it seems like the more self-care I do the more foolishness threatens to trip me up and bog me down in mess. And yes, I am the Founder of Brown Girl Self-Care. Don't think that I have it all together, because I don't.

I still doubt myself. I still doubt that I'm capable of being a good mom. I still doubt if I'm smart enough to figure things out. I still doubt my purpose. I still doubt if what I'm doing here makes a difference. I still doubt if I can have healthy relationships. I still doubt if I'm worthy enough to have all the things. And right now, I'm wondering if writing "I still" so many times is appropriate or if I'm breaking all the rules of grammar and blogging.

Good grief. Now I'm doubting if I'm capable of writing sentences. Way to go, Bre!

If self-care doesn't do anything else but this one thing, it's still worth it to me:

Self-care allows me to peel back the onion layers of my sometimes stinky life, mind, etc and understand what is really going on, and to not take everything at face value.

God placed within you all these amazing attributes like courage, faith, love and abundance to help you go out there and be about your business to the best of your abilities. The world, on the other hand, not so much. The worlds has been set up on foundations, questionable ones at times, meant to cause you to question But like the onion mentioned above, even though times are rough and you are questioning yourself, we need your "stink" because without it, we would be missing the flavor you add to the world.

The thing is, even if the doubts are "worldly" that doesn't mean that you can't or shouldn't do your best to responsibly process them and then act on them accordingly. Once you've got them, you can't just toss them away or pretend they don't exist. This is another way that self-care helps. It empowers you to not shy away from responsibilities but to experience and explore them.

So where does that leave you in all of this? Honestly, there will never be a time in your life where you won't ever doubt who you are or what you are doing.

Don't believe me? Let me break down a list for you of the types of women that will never doubt themselves. See if you are included below:

  1. *This space intentionally left blank*

  2. *This space intentionally left blank*

  3. *This space intentionally left blank*

  4. Almost forgot this person -> *This space intentionally left blank*

Did you really think there would be anyone on the list? If you are breathing and reading this blog post, you will have doubts at some point. It's a fact, son!

Ok, so how do we keep going even when we feel unsure about our abilities and who we are?

1 - Figure out if your doubt is really a desire waiting to be exposed

If we didn't care about something we would just do it (or not) and not worry about if it was done right (or even at all). If you are doubting yourself, it could mean that you really want to do or have this thing and you want it badly. This is opening you up to the chance that you may fail, never achieve it or mess it up. You have to remember that without risk there is no reward. Ask yourself what it is you really want and what is stopping you from going for it. Own those answers.

2 - Look at who is really saying it isn't possible

Doubts don't just magically appear. When you were younger you could have been taught that you aren't capable of having what you want or, perhaps later on in life someone said the wrong thing and it completely broke your spirit. What ever the case may be, you have to look at where the messages you receive are coming from. Your doubts could have built on someone else's foundation of uncertainty, lack or oppressive thinking. Do you really want to let that hold you back? ps - Make sure you can trust the people in your life giving you advice.

3 - Determine if you are letting procrastination look like doubt

When I really don't want to do something sometimes I will pretend to doubt myself. This usually means that I'm either just being lazy OR it's not something that I want to do at all. It feels out of alignment for who I am and instead of owning that, I will keep putting it off under the guise of me doubting my abilities. It's not that I can't, it's that I don't want to. Such rubbish, smh. Can you relate to that? I can't possibly be the only one that plays these childish games, can I?

4 - Just do it already

You know what can help you get over doubting yourself? Going for it and allowing yourself to do it afraid and imperfectly. The more you do it, guess what? You will get stronger at it. Just like when you go to the gym. Yeah, you may be embarrassed about not being able to walk on the treadmill for more than five minutes without losing your breath. I promise you though, if you don't give up, don't doubt yourself and keep going, you WILL build up your endurance. A month from now, you may be up to 20 minutes on the treadmill before you start to lose your breath. Progress doesn't happen until you believe in yourself and take action.

Doubt doesn't have to be where our lives end. Believe me, if you get to the end of your life and didn't act or do the things you wanted because doubt kept you locked up in fear you are going to regret it. Address what needs addressing, start peeling back the layers, talk to a professional coach our counselor for more guidance and take action. This is the only life we get. Allow the world the chance to taste your flavor.

Let's be real, sometimes prioritizing your needs, believing in yourself and taking action requires a community of like-minded women behind you, cheering you on. Is this you? Be sure to check out Brown Girl Society and invest in yourself.

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